Thursday, December 30, 2010

WTH Thursday

Is this going to heal race relations?

On one hand, if Douglas really did do as the Douglas Energy Relief Association claims it would not surprise me. Well, the intent part would not.  It probably does not surprise anybody else who has spent time there either.  One word describes that region of Georgia: redneck.

Truth is everyone is not racist there though.  Even if they were, they would not be smart enough to set up their computer system to racially profile as has been claimed.  I mean, come on, the county is known for a bar named "Homer Boone's."

If the city had performed their own investigation, I could see this being a story, but HUD is not run by the local municipality and therefore I have to believe, though still inbred hillbillies, the folks of Coffee County did no wrong, this time.

$50,000, that is it? Way to show Favre who is boss

Say you are a washed up NFL quarterback who has made millions over the years and is now a washed up prima donna.   Now lets say you had sent a text message to a then team employee.  Oh, lets say Jenn Sterger  hypothetical.  Now suppose that text message was a picture of your penis.

Brett Favre text pic
 Now, two years later suppose news has come out about your penile picture. Sterger is threating to sue you.  The NFL is investigating you. What do you do? Well you try to duck answering questions openly and honestly.  That is what you do.  The NFL persists in their investigation and comes to a conclusion though.

Should you be worried? Well you should, but in our hypothetical world, you can relax, because you are slapped on the wrist with a $50,000 fine.  While huge to normal, hard working people, this is nothing to you, as you are a millionaire.  Why, at this price, you now know it is safe to text penis pics to all the lovely ladies on the Minnesota Vikings cheer leading squad.  Now suppose you once killed a bunch of dogs..oh wait, sorry, that is another prima donna NFL quarterback, and another story all together.

Just the person to call if you are in a domestic violence dispute

Of course the deputy marshal in question was cleared.  Then again I am not going to even go into the whole good ol' boy network thing.  Everyone knows it exists...well not everyone.  Some people are just stupid.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Say it ain't so Hef

Hugh Hefner is engaged again. Wow!

Hugh Hefner engaged
I have always looked up to Hugh Hefner.  I mean he is like a god amongst us men.  I even thought it was cool that he still dated women 1/100th his age.  To hear he is actually getting married again though, just makes me feel sad.  Instead of looking upon him as the ultimate player, I am now seeing him in the same light as the old guy Anna Nicole Smith married.

Will Hugh's new wife let him touch her? Does he have a prenuptial agreement to make sure she is not looking to screw him (besides in the bedroom)?  Why not spend your remaining years partying with all the girls, and not just Crystal Harris?

I imagine she will be more like a nurse to him than a wife.  Who knows though.  Maybe true love really won her over...hahahahahaha!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas movie countdown: A Christmas Story

Tis the season to be jolly.  Oh, and watch wonderful holiday movies.

The following is a list of some I highly  recommend (though I am sure you have probably already seen most of these films).

This started as a list of some of my favorites, but I realized it would be too long, so this post is just about my favorite:   I already talked about Fred Claus, Christmas Vacation and Ernest Saves Christmas

  A Christmas Story -  Peter Billingsley and supporting cast make this a marvelous holiday treat.  If you have already seen this movie, I bet at some time or another in your life you have jokingly repeated the line, "Oooh Fudge!"  

Seriously though, there is a reason they play this 24 hrs on Christmas day.  It rocks! Poor Ralphie just wants a BB gun.  Ahem, a Red Ryder BB gun from Walmart.  I mean from Gimbels, Macy's, Woolworth's or wherever people shopped back in the 1940s.  

Poor little Ralphie's  parents and everyone else keep telling him he is going to shoot his eye out, and it is so funny at the end when he actual does.  Oh wait, that did not happen. The movie is still  funny though.  

There are so many good moments: the dastardly Bumpeses'dogs, the French award his father receives that leads to the electric glow of sex, the suit Ralphie's aunt makes for him, his little Randy not wanting to eat, Frick getting his tongue stuck on a pole due to double dog dare, seeing what Christmas would be like at a Chinese restaurant, or especially, when Ralphie kicked the crap out of that bully, Scut Farkus.  @*$#@*!$I!  In the sequel Scut, so demoralized by the beat down, gets a sex change operation.  I bet you did not know that.  I kid, I kid.

See how hard it is to sum up the entire movie without writing on and on about it? It is that good.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas Movie Countdown: Fred Claus

Fred Claus is a cute, funny little movie with both laughs and a feel good ending.

I regret not watching this fine film before this year.  I caught it on TBS this month for the first time.

I think Vince Vaughn is usually great, but I also think it depends on the script he is given to some degree. That is why I had my doubts.  The reviews and ratings for Fred Claus were not particularly the best.  They were however more favorable than say, Deck The Halls.

Had someone told me before seeing it that Paul Giamatti would pull of a good Santa I would have had my doubts.  He was far from the best on screen Santa, but for the role in this particular movie I think he was cast well.  

The feel good part is what really caught me by surprise though.  I expected some laughs.  I just thought it might end up being shallow with no soul, again, Deck The Halls comes to mind.  I was pleasantly surprised though.  

This one is definitely worth checking out.  See another worth checking out.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Gas prices soar once again

"The world's biggest gas-guzzling nation has limits after all.
After seven decades of mostly uninterrupted growth, U.S. gasoline demand is at the start of a long-term decline. By 2030, Americans will burn at least 20 percent less gasoline than today, experts say, even as millions more cars clog the roads."  - This according to Jonathan Fahey of the Associated Press.
So, why are gas prices once again going up?  I thought the free market was about "supply and demand".  This seems more like "bend over and take it."
The oil barons are out of the White House, but the oil companies still seem to have their way.  Not that the government has enough ability, much less coherence, to stop such actions.  One would hope they would at least put up a yellow light t instead of a checkered flag.  
I do not think of any of us were surprised that it conveniently happened after the talk of the gulf oil disaster had dissipated like the oil on the surface of the water itself.  I, myself, am shocked at the extent of the price rise though.  Me thinks the oil industry is trying to make up for the losses of not being able to raise the prices slower during that period.
Ah well, perhaps one day electric cars really will be all the rage.  Then the electric company can gauge us some more.

Things I liked that disappeared too quickly Part II

1.        Boston Common – Exactly ten years after first tasting the divinity that was BarNone, I found a television show that transcended merely must see TV.  It was positively, absolutely, definitely, are you crazy to not, must see TV. 

This time the wicked culprits to break my heart were the clueless buffoons at the National Broadcasting Company (yeah that is right NBC, I called you out, punks).

This show starred Anthony Clark as the Zany, “Boyd Pritchett,” who follows his little sister to college to keep an eye on her.  Once there he gets himself in call kinds of crazy situations, while falling for adorable Joy Byrnes, played by Traylor Howard.  Of course she was already taken.  More craziness ensued.  Ah, memories!

Anyone who ever sees this will know Clark was perfect for the silly character role, and will know what a waste it was to cast him as a straight man another production company did for Yes Dear.

Needless to say, once fans like me were on edge for more, NBC decided to pull the plug.  They similar did it with another show, which I was similarly gaining a fondness for, called Chicago Sons a year later.   I think the meetings went something like this:

Boring man in suite #1: “Robert (Bob would be much too casual) this show is entirely too funny.  I mean, what right minded person wants to laugh so hard? Besides, it will make Friends look bad.”

Boring man in suite #2 (Bob): “I think I follow Davidson (being even more formal he calls him by his last name).  We shall proceed with cancellation and bring in a replacement that is tedious and boring.  We have 13 episodes of the perfect show all ready to go with an option for more.  It is called The Single Guy.

 The only positive I can find is that had the show been kept around longer and gained a following, then Traylor Howard would not have been available for Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place.

Ah well, I am not the only one who has been disappointed by the decisions of some network executives, and hey, at least Boston Common lasted longer than The Hasselhoff's did on A&E.

Share your feedback on shows, etc that you liked that disappeared too quickly.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas Movie Countdown: Christmas Vacation

 National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - You have to pardon me, I largely grew up in the 80's so much of my list will be comprised of movies from that decade. This was one of several very funny in a series of National Lampoon's movies starring Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo.

While the first couple of movies in that series lose some laughs due to being dated, this one, which does show some age, is still hilarious.  I think it is in large part due to Christmas traditions not changing that much.  Actually throw in some Iphones and Kindles this movie would hardly look old at all.
Randy Quad as Uncle Eddie, as always, delivers.  Without a doubt, he is one of the best supporting characters in comedic films, hands down.  Mix him in with a stingy boss, Chase as Clark Griswold, his extended family, lots of Christmas lights, a giant tree, a cat and you are in for a treat.  What could go wrong? Everything! That is why it is so great.  Buy it or rent it.  Know it.  Love it.

See the last movie on the countdown.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Things I liked that disappeared too quickly Part I: BarNone Candy Bar

We all find things that hook us quickly and deeply.  Then all too often these things disappear as quickly as they came.  Sometimes their loss is so bitter you wish they had never existed in the first place.

No, I am not talking about lovers, career opportunities, hot stocks or anything like that. 

I am talking about important things, things that matter.  Read on to find out what is truly important, for below is my list of things I cared about, but then left me suddenly.  Indeed, just thinking about them has tears welling up in my eyes.  

I shall press on though, for you dear reader.

1.        BarNone – This was a candy bar made by The Hershey Company in 1986.  I still to this day believe they only created it merely to tease children such as myself with its chocolaty goodness.   

Chocolate wafers coated by chocolate.  I was in chocolate heaven.  The only minor flaw was the peanuts.  Even they could not stop my love affair though. 
In 1993 someone decided to play God, and mess with the winning formula.  Perhaps they wanted to attract even more sales.  They added caramel.  They lost sales.

Then that same year, they did it.  Those conniving, dastardly, evil suits over at Hershey pulled it from production.   Even the fine folks at Old Time Candy, who do carry many other memorable candies from years past,  no longer have it available.
So yes, this was my first love lost.  Please leave me some condolences and enjoy this old commercial with both fondness and sadness, as I do.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Christmas Movie Countdown: Ernest Saves Christmas

Ho, ho ho, Merry Christmas!
I am counting down some of my favorite Christmas movies, in no particular order.

Today I am starting with Ernest Saves Christmas. Yes, a true timeless classic.  Know what I mean?

Thought the supporting cast seems merely serviceable, like they are out of a Hallmark Channel movie, Jim Varney, as the odd, but endearing, Ernest P. Worrell, along with a just cute enough/just funny enough story make it worth viewing.

The only thing I think that could have made it better? If Ernest became possessed by a demon.  That would bump it up to a five star for sure.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Who will replace Urban Meyer at Florida

Urban Meyer is stepping down as head football coach at the University of Florida.  The Gators won two national championships and played for several SEC championships while under his leadership.  Meyer stepped down last year, albeit for a day or so, due to health reasons, only to return.

This time I feel it is permanent.  The Gators, despite having some of the best recruiting classes the two couple of years, lost more games than they had in over 15 years.  Much debate is on how much losing his offensive and defensive coordinator in successive years has hurt the program.  Two years ago Dan Mullen left to be the head coach at Mississippi State and last year Charlie Strong left to be the head coach at Louisville.

With the Gator offense sliding from one of the best in the nation to 80th has led many to wonder how much of the offensive success was due to Mullens, how much was due to Superman, err, Tim Tebow, and how much of it was really due to Meyer's coaching.  Meyer had success before Tebow, but he did have Mullens by his side.

Though the defense was not as bad as the offense this year, it still had it's share of struggles.  Much of it can be put on the long periods of time they faced on the field due to the short possessions by the inept offense, but regardless, it also was heading in the wrong direction.

So now that Meyer is stepping down, the question becomes, who will replace him.  I have to think the top choices will be the super hot offensive coordinator from Auburn, Gus Malzahn, one of the two coordinators that left Florida recently, Boise State's head coach, Chris Petersen, or TCU's Gary Patterson.

UPDATE: I was obviously way off.  The correct answer was, "Will Muschamp" ladies and gentlemen.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Pork Chops and other randomness

If you are going to name a restaurant “Pork Chops” you darn well better have pork chops on your menu.

Which Buffy the Vampire Slayer  is hotter? Sarah Michelle Geller or Christy Swanson

An Action Thriller without a twist ending might actually seem clever these days.

Oran Juice Jones watching Buffy
I do not like wine.  It reminds me of communion.

I imagine Cam Newton is upset.  He probably is hurt by his father’s actions.  I am sure he feels he is worth more than $200,000.

What if you put the cart before the horse, and then turn the cart and horse around?

If an indoor shopping center only contains one store can it still be called a mall?

I would not want to be a cat.  As sucky as this life can be at times I do not think I would enjoy eight more.

Whatever happened to Oran Juice Jones? Anyone see him out there in the rain?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

New fries at Wendy's - What was wrong with the old ones?

What is with all the "improvements" these fast food places are coming up with?

I remember several years ago or so when Burger King announced they had changed their French fries I asked a friend if that meant they were basically admitting they were bad before? Well, of course we both knew the answer to that.    The sad thing is their new fries may have been even worse.

A few months ago I saw Dominos Pizza had announced they have improved their pizza.  Again, admitting it was not as good as it could have been.  Does that mean all their customers from over the years can ask for refunds?

Personally, when I had it, I liked Dominos.  Then again I liked Pizza Hutt, Papa Johns, CiCis and more.  I guess with pizza I am easy to please.

McDonald's Grimace
Now I see that Wendy’s has changed their French fries.  What the..??!!  I liked their fries.  Why didn’t anybody there consult me on this?  Natural cut fries? What, so they have a little bit of skin on them, that no one will actually taste after the deep frying process?  I am going to take a hunch here, and it is just a hunch as I have not been all over the United States indulging in fast food, but could Wendy’s be trying to copy the fries at the ever growing in popularity Five Guys Burger And Fries? Hmm!

Then on top of that, they now have Sea salt. Really? Sea salt? As if the iodized table salt we have been enjoying for oh so many years was no longer en vogue enough?  It does not appear to be for health purposes.  Are times that bad Wendy’s?

McDonalds often comes out with new products.  I have nothing against that.  They at least do not change existing products though.   They are smart like that.  Plus they know Grimace might get mad and eat one of the VPs. 

 I mean no one is going to demand Dominos or Wendy’s bring back their old formulas like way back in 1985 when Coca Cola brought out “New Coke,” but still, are these changes just marketing routines to draw in people because of suffering business, or are the changes really for the better?

I want your feedback. 

 At least Dominos did not bring back the Noid.   Sea salt indeed. 

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Wait, what? I have seen this before, kind of

The Hangover with Zach Galifianakis and Bradley Cooper meets Dude, Where's My Car? with Ashton Kutcher meets The Night Before with Keanu Reeves
The Hangover sequel?
Sometimes I will be watching a movie and get the feeling I have seen something similar to it before.  I am sure I am not alone in this.  I believe someone told me there were truly only seven basic plot lines rehashed over and over in stories, and I thought to myself, “Wow, that would explain all the man versus machine stories in books and movies.  Was that one of the original seven? Was that around when William Shakespeare was picking from these plot lines, or was it only six back in his day? How would Shakespeare have handled Terminator Salvation had he been alive today to have done the screenplay? Would he have directed? Would he have allowed Christian Bale’s on site tirades?” Sorry, I digress.

When I first saw the movie The Hangover, I thought, this reminds of me Dude, Where’s My Car? Then when I started of thinking of that movie, I thought, hey, that reminds me of The Night Before, an early movie featuring Keanu Reeves, which reminded me of the 80s, which reminded me of the A-Team, which reminds me I still have not seen the movie version…but again I digress.

As previously mentioned, the man versus machine plot line has been used to death.  Personally I think nothing tops The Terminator.  I mean, come on, The Matrix was overrated.  Admit it.  There’s that man, Keanu Reeves again.  Darn you Keanu, stop finding your way into my blog! I do not remember any catchy lines from that movie, and even if one had been written for Mr. Reeves, I doubt he could deliver it as cool and smooth as Arnold Schwarzenegger's “I’ll be back!”  In fact he cannot deliver much at all, unless playing the dumb surfer sounding character like he did in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and his small role in Parenthood.  Come to think of it, maybe he should have had a cameo in Dude, Where’s My Car? Oops, I sorry, back to the topic...

Just last year, only months apart, Hollywood delivered unto us Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Observe and Report.   It seems it was just a strange coincidence though, as both camps claimed to not know about the other’s movie.  I am thinking maybe they both bought the same story and based slightly different screenplays off of it, but were too scared to admit they got taken by whoever wrote the initial story, but hey, whatever, they both were successful in producing comedies that were met with mediocre reviews. Yay!

I think my favorite overused plot line is the wild party/ college frat movies.  National Lampoon's Animal House (and I apologize if there was a precursor to it I am leaving out) has spawned so many wannabes it is ridiculous.  Not that I am really complaining.  I like almost all of these films, and love some of them.  National Lampoon's Van Wilder is still one of my favorite movies.  It came out around the same time as Old School, which got more attention (despite Wilder having the famed National Lampoon affiliation).  I think this, plus the fact that it was not as wild as some hyped it to up to be, made me bitter towards Old School for a while.  I can appreciate it now, even if I still just mildly like it. 

Oh, and who can forget Bachelor Party with Tom Hanks.  When I saw that movie I could not wait to grow up and throw wild parties.  The getting engaged part did not intrigue me so much.

I have yet to see College, but from the reviews I have seen I am thinking I might pass on it (if  anyone thinks I should give it a shot let me know).  Now of course there is a new TBS television show called Glory Daze which, while is hurt by its having to meet certain television standards, thus no nudity, not much swearing, etc, is pretty impressive so far.  I mean, it is set in the 80s, which is awesome, and it has a midget.  I mean come on man, what is better than a midget?!

We won't even get into all the movies where adults become kids again, kids become adults or where men have to raise babies.  That would be a long list.

Okay, so what movie sub genres do you like? What movies and books do you see/read that remind you of each other?  Are there any pothead movies, which besides the obvious connection, have the same basic story? What about romantic comedies? What else? Tell me.  Tell me now!! I want to hear from you!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The NCAA weaves a slippery slope

With today’s ruling by the NCAA that Cam Newton is eligible to play in the SEC title game, the NCAA is blatantly allowing its own rules to be skirted.
Now, any student athlete can have a relative, friend, priest, etc ask colleges for money in exchange for their services. All the person who is doing the asking has to do if the NCAA comes calling, is deny that the student athlete knew about it.
Now, do not get me wrong, I am not saying if some uncle, great aunt, biological father that the student athlete does not even live with, some step dad the son stays with only a few months a year, etc goes and asks for money that a student athlete should instantly be made ineligible. This is not that case though. This was Cam Newton’s father, whom he lived with.
There is also the issue of why Cam Newton did not go to Mississippi State University if it was not about money. An MSU recruiter stated that Cam personally called and said the money was too much. Granted, the recruiter may have lied to hurt Newton or Auburn, but regardless of that statement being true, this much is true, Cecil Newton did not get the money he wanted from MSU then Cam suddenly switches his commitment to Auburn? Give me a break. I know, I know, no solid proof to identify that the two are related. I cannot see atoms, but I know they exist. Before satellites existed, before people sailed all around it, some people knew the earth was not flat. We know OJ killed Nicole.
Now I ask what if the FBI, which has not closed its case, finds out Auburn has a slush fund which it uses to pay players? What if it is even bigger than Cam Newton? Then the NCAA will have to go back and vacate Auburn’s wins, and should it win a BCS National Title, the BCS will vacate that as well. If some other school misses out on playing for the national title this year, then that happens later on, there will be much uproar, and rightly so, at the NCAA for not taking care of things in the here and now.
Ironic that Auburn just now declared Cam ineligible a day before the NCAA cleared him, as if they knew what was going to happen. Maybe their pockets go even deep enough to control such outcomes. Auburn knew the investigation was going on well before yesterday, so why did they not sit him sooner, as all the other schools under investigation this year have done with student athletes? It may not be any great conspiracy. More than likely the NCAA is just not very good. Either way, shame on them for allowing Mr. Newton, and Auburn to jump back and forth over their white line, and taunt them while doing so. War Eagle Tiger laptop stealer paid player..indeed!